10 People You’ll Encounter on Thanksgiving
There’s no denying Thanksgiving is a holiday that proves just how awesome Americans are. Think about it– it’s an entire day dedicated to stuffing ourselves with fantastic food, spending time with family and friends and watching football. But what really makes Thanksgiving the ultimate American holiday is people you’ll encounter on Turkey Day. For some weird reason, November 23rd will bring out the funniest, strangest and most entertaining characters you’ll be forced to sit in a room and eat with all year. We’re all a little weird, and when our family gets together, things get even weirder.
Before you head on over to auntie’s house for a feast of turkey and cranberry sauce and loads more, prepare yourself for these 10 people you’ll encounter on Thanksgiving.
THE DRUNK UNCLE
Most of us have that one crazy relative who throws back a few too many at every single family gathering. We’re talking Thanksgiving, kiddie birthday parties, the 4th of July and every celebration in between. It’s usually good ole Uncle Nutcase who starts drinking post-breakfast Thanksgiving Day and keeps on gulpin’ til he’s passed out on the couch 10 hours later. There’s also a huge chance this guy says no less than twenty super offensive things throughout the day, but that’s just part of his crude charm.
THE TERRIFIED BOYFRIEND
Holidays are a great time for new boyfriend introductions. It’s also the most risky venue to perform said introductions. Why? Because our families are crazy! That’s why when cousin Jenny walks through that door with her most recent beau, we just cringe at what’s to come. Things go well at first, but once Uncle Nutcase and grandma pin him down for quality conversation, things plummet. Fast. Boyfriend is now terrified of Jenny’s family, and all bets are totally off.
THE COUCH SLEEPER
We don’t exactly know if eating tons of turkey really makes you sleepy, but we do know one thing for sure– eating a whole heck of a lot puts us into nap comas for hours on end. That’s why it’s inevitable to find a conked-out feast victim on the couch after dinner. The best part? It can basically be anyone. You might find granny drooling on a pillow after downing an entire pumpkin pie, or maybe terrified boyfriend was trying to cope with his terror by stuffing himself with sausage stuffing and now he’s zonked out for good. Whoever you encounter, make sure you have a camera handy for awesomely embarrassing pictures.
THE TMI GRANDMA
Grandma is charming for a variety of reasons. She bakes us cookies, tells us where her secret candy stash is hidden and she has no filter whatsoever. Maybe it’s because older people have been through the ringer of life and don’t care what people think, but sometimes it can make us shiver in embarrassment. Especially during holidays, granny shares way too much information about her latest rash and tells poor terrified boyfriend TMI details about her and grandpa. The thing is, we just have to let grandma rant, or else we’d be risking a cookie strike.
THE UPTIGHT AUNT
Of course thanksgiving has to be hosted by someone in the family, and that person is usually our awesome aunt. Except, when Thanksgiving is thrown into the mix, dear old auntie turns into mega stressed-out woman as she’s trying to balance turkey timing with a nagging husband and tons of hungry guests. It’s understandable she’d feel pressure under such circumstances, but this lady could blow a fuse at any second. When you encounter normally awesome aunt on Thanksgiving, it’s best to keep that “hey how are ya” high five to yourself and snack on turkey legs in the corner.
THE LEFTOVER HOG
It’s common courtesy to share leftovers with guests if you’re hosting Thanksgiving. You know– a little dab of stuffing here and a piece or two of turkey there. But there’s always that one person who doesn’t just graciously accept a small container of Turkey Day goodness, and we soon realize we have a leftover hog on our hands. An entire pumpkin pie, five turkey legs, two loaves of bread, a can of cranberry sauce and an extra few turkey legs for good measure are going home with this character, and we’re left with that gross fruitcake TMI granny baked last week.
THE THANKSGIVING FOOD HATER
If we’re being honest, our favorite part of Thanksgiving is the food. Don’t get us wrong– we love spending time with our family and friends and giving thanks for all the awesome stuff in our lives. But when there’s a plateful of warm pumpkin pie topped with vanilla ice cream, how could we not be stupefied by its amazingness? That’s why when someone doesn’t like Thanksgiving food, we’re completely dumbfounded. It’s the refuser of all things turkey and cranberry and pumpkin, and unfortunately, we’ll never understand this person. They’re missing out on food heaven.
THE PERSON WHO STUFFS THEMSELVES SILLY
With all the glorious food around on Thanksgiving, it takes a really disciplined person to not overdo it with turkey and stuffing and everything in between. Sure, it’s completely expected and acceptable you’ll need to loosen up that belt post-feasting, but there’s always that one guest who eats until he or she is stuffed to the eyeballs. The food fanatic usually has little or no self control when it comes to hoarding that pecan pie, which is something to which we can totally relate! Except, the person who stuffs themselves silly doesn’t stop and won’t stop until gross nausea sets in. That’s no fun.
THE FOOTBALL FANATIC
Football and Thanksgiving go together like Uncle Nutcase and a cold beer; they’re just not the same apart. A lot of people tune into Turkey Day games as a sort of side entertainment in between courses, but there’s always that one family member who’s way too into the game to care about Uptight Aunt freaking out over the burning turkey in the oven. His eyes are glued to the tube for hours on end, and there’s zero chance we’ll speak even one word to him during the day.
THE HEALTH NUT
Feasting on Thanksgiving food involves tons of deliciously good, greasy, buttery, bad for you eats, but that’s all part of the fun! Can you imagine celebrating such a wonderful holiday over raw vegetables and fruit plates? The health nut can. She usually comes in the form of a middle-aged mom who’s trying to keep things healthy for the kids, but this just ends up causing the rest of us to suffer. No one wants to snag a piece of her tofurkey, and there’s no way we’ll sample that murky green juice blend she brought for dessert. But hey– more apple pie for us!