Abuse: It May Happen Only Once, But it’s Reverberations Will Last a Lifetime
I had never written a story about domestic violence. I’d talked about it plenty on the radio but never actually took the initiative to bring the subject up on my own accord. Suddenly, a week or two ago, that all changed after two horrific stories surfaced, both of which involved men murdering the women they were suppose to love. I wondered, how can men have women convinced they are so loved, when they harbor so much hatred in their hearts? I can’t answer that. I just know it’s so.
Now, due mostly to women coming forward and shedding new light on this dark subject, I am on article #4. If any one of these will help just a single woman avoid falling deeply into a cataclysmic relationship, then it will not be in vain.
The following story/poem is a true account of one woman’s agonizing journey through abuse and recovery. Her name is Christina and she calls this piece, Soft and Frail:
Soft and frail, oh so broken on the inside,
one harsh word, my heart withers a little more and cries.
What he did to me was for a reason, I am sure,
but how I handled it has kept me broken evermore.
I only pushed it down and ran so far away,
very few people know, still to this day.
I’m very good at looking strong, oh yes I put on quite the show,
I should have taken Drama in school, but an Actor I am not, I know.
I’m quite the people pleaser I’m great at helping out,
but when I’m hurting and I’m dying, my voice you wont hear cry out.
I’m always scared of being a burden or the clingy type I guess,
I don’t know how to ask for help or a friends advice, not just yet.
I’m quite scared of rejection It must be from all the abuse you infused,
I still don’t know how a person could do what you did to me!
The visions are clearer and always, in my Dreams,
your eyes are like Daggers and you give me chills to where I can’t breathe.
No, not even still right now when I think of one of those nights,
still The water was cold, colder than ice.
You held me under, weren’t trying to be gentle… I remember praying and screaming as my life flashed before my eyes, begging you to stop, thinking my life was about to be through…wondering if you even had a clue of just what you were about to do.
Snuffing out a life so precious and so young.
Oh I was scared but I only thought we were there alone.
That night will forever be burned and scarred like cement into my soul,
my heart & head my subconscious, oh, it knows.
That night you sobered up and you came to your senses but this foolish little girl came back for a few more of your demented, tormented, torturous, drunken, abusive rages before my daddy saw through my mask and sent me away, but still to this day, I’m broken and frail and trying to be better and well!
I wanted to Thank you for showing me that my purpose on Earth is to be compassionate and always share and show the truest of love.
You have my forgiveness, no bitterness I hold.
I hope you’ve found Peace and I hope you’ve found God & love.
You weren’t a bad man, just lost and confused.
The alcohol made you mean & your fury you could not control.
I’m not mad.
I won’t lie, I still really fear you, but other than that, it’s old news and I’m learning to let my little light glow.
I’d like to share a book with you that the first woman who told me her story shared with me. I’m going to read it. It might help you. It’s “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.”