Kathy Landin

This holiday season truly brings joyous tidings: We've officially won Johnny Depp back from France, and now even ladies who don’t live on the West Coast can stalk him with ease.

That’s because the actor-turned-musician has put down roots in Music City USA -- otherwise known as Nashville, Tenn. -- dropping almost $13 million for a pad to allegedly share with his girl of the hour, reformed lesbian Amber Heard.

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‘Tis the season for waiting until the last minute to buy a gajillion gifts for your family and then wrapping them all in about 20 minutes at 3 a.m. on Christmas morning.

So Jimmy Kimmel’s very helpful – and awesomely foul-mouthed – Aunt Chippy was kind enough to provide us all with some handy gift-wrapping tips to ensure our presents always look pretty. Only things don't go exactly as planned.

Yeah, the video is a year old, but so what? The sentiments within are timeless.

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Looks like it’ll be a lonely Christmas for poor Kristen Stewart, because she's apparently been summarily uninvited to celebrate the holidays with boyfriend Robert Pattinson's family.

Which may or may not have had something to do with the rather awkward Thanksgiving dinner she spent with them last month.

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YOU: You're a very talented and desirable older woman with an official title. I know you could run circles around me with your work, but I bring ultra-hotness to the table. You’ve played queens and secret agents and I always love it when you boss me around and make me do your bidding.

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By now, you’ve heard more than enough about Angus T. Jones – aka Jake from ‘Two and a Half Men’ – and his videotaped religious outburst about what “filth” the show that pays him $350K an episode is.

He later apologized for those remarks, and then his mom told the world she thought his newfound church might be exploiting him.

And the story isn’t over yet.

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‘The Sound of Music’ is a Tony-winning musical, an Oscar-winning movie and a staple of traditional holiday family viewing. The movie is a beautifully done, timeless classic, so of course NBC wants to remake it.

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Jared Leto is apparently out to prove that Matthew McConaughey isn’t the only actor who can eat nothing and get dangerously thin for a role in ‘Dallas Buyers Club’ -- because the once hot singer/actor has been out and about showing off his decidedly unsexy, emaciated body.

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If you’re like us, you completely forgot about Richard Marx. He was super hot in the '80s and brought us saxophone-filled, awkward slow dance hits like 'Hold On To the Nights,' ‘Right Here Waiting’ and ‘Endless Summer Nights.’

But these days, he just plays casinos and music festivals and really you could've probably played a cruel prank and convinced us he died years ago and we'd have been none the wiser.

Until he spent Wednesday night drunk tweeting from a hotel room. And now we can’t forget that endless Fall night. Although he probably did.

He shoulda known better.

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Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell have been putting the "super" in "supermodel" for decades now. Kate is 39 and Naomi is almost 43, so you’d think their steamy topless magazine spread days would be over.

Au contraire.

The half-naked pair melted the pages of the December 2012 Russian and German editions of Interview magazine, and we found a sneak peek for you. You're welcome.

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At some point, we have to wonder if Michael Lohan doesn’t have his daughter arrested just so he has an excuse to give exclusive interviews to the press. It certainly didn’t take him long to spill his guts to the tabloids after LiLo’s most recent bust.

And, interestingly, he always seems to know what needs to be done to “help” his daughter.

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