Kathy Landin

It looks like Lil’ Kim has been having a lil’ work done. As near as we can tell, she took a photo of La Toya Jackson to a plastic surgeon raising money for his mom's heart transplant and told him what she was going for, so he's trying his damndest to get her there.

Because, seriously, what?

Have you seen her face lately? Even calling it "her face" is inaccurate at this point -- because what she has now is certainly not what she started with.

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Every year we try to talk ourselves out of caring about Valentine’s Day and every year we give in to the fun of celebrating love. Or, specifically not celebrating love, if that’s your thing. Either way, even if it’s become way too commercialized, we always pay attention to society’s day of love.

This year, instead of complaining about the prices of roses and chocolates, entertain your valentine with some of the stories that make Valentine’s Day more than just a day of obligatory affections.

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YOU: You're the stylish, endearing and openly gay – not that anyone was surprised or really cared - host of a current events show on a well-respected news channel. You’re also the adorable, dimpled host of a daytime talk show that is, sadly, as short-lived as some people's patience for me. But dude, you may want to consider washing your jeans a little more frequently.

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It’s February, and you know Valentine’s Day is around the corner because as soon as January got rolling, all that red and pink candy started popping up everywhere. It’s cold outside, the holiday of love is nearly upon us, so it would be understandable if you were suddenly in the mood to look at your co-workers just a little differently. Hmm ... which one might have the potential to keep you warm and ring more than your office extension?

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The year’s most nerve-wracking holiday is right around the corner. Guys rarely know what, if anything, they should get for their girlfriends, and girls spend all kinds of time fretting over whether their guy will get it right. And don’t even get us started about what it does to single people.

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Always the victim of overzealous photographers trying to get that million dollar pic, Miley Cyrus has clearly had enough of these people getting to bend the rules in ways she is too famous to do herself.

So when she caught an able-bodied pap driving a car with a handicapped designation, parking in a handicapped spot and then running in front of her to snap photos while she walked her dogs, she decided it was time for the world to see the truth.

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We had some time to read the tabs while we were waiting in line to buy dietary supplements and ranch dressing this week and here’s what we learned from In Touch, Star, Us Weekly, National Enquirer and Life & Style.

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Yes, we warned you it could happen, but that doesn’t mean we made it so. We said there was a chance that Kris Jenner would get her own talk show, but we still held out hope it was all a giant hoax meant to keep us up nights.

But now? All hope is lost, because America’s best-dressed windbag will indeed blow hot air all over Fox this summer -- right when we really won’t need it.

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We had some time to read the tabs while we were waiting in line to buy celery and hummus this week and here’s what we learned from Star, Globe, OK!, National Enquirer and In Touch.

Once again, avoiding the express line had its privileges

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YOU: You are the definition of the “whole package” with your teeny tiny adorable smart self. You're a media darling who can do no wrong in the world of journalism, and I admire the way you made the leap from nothing news to morning news to evening news to syndicated news without even a stumble. You’ll have to tell me how you did it -- especially now that people don't seem to like me much anymore.

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