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Joe Francis Says ‘Retarded’ Jury Who Convicted Him of Assault ‘Should Be Euthanized’

Joe Francis
Angela Weiss, Getty Images

We last heard from known douchenozzle and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ creator Joe Francis, he was being convicted of assault and false imprisonment after trying to keep three women in his house and slamming one girl’s head into a tile floor multiple times like a gentleman.

Now he’s mouthing off about the jury who convicted him — and in the process, making it abundantly clear they did the right thing.

Joe sat down with The Hollywood Reporter to have a friendly chat about the verdict, and had nothing but nice things to say about the jury that handed it down:

“I want that jury to know that each and every one of you are mentally f–king retarded. And you should be euthanized because, as Darwin said, you have naturally selected yourself. You are the weakest members of the herd. Goodbye! And if that jury wants to convict me because I didn’t show up, which is the only reason why they did, then, you know, they should all be lined up and shot!”

For the record, and as you may have guessed, Darwin never said that.

Francis also has a bit of a beef with the criminal justice system, saying that “only the stupidest of the stupidest people end up on juries” and that he’s “never met a smart person who’s done jury duty.”

He’s right. What we really need is a jury full of Joe Francises, because he’s a shining beacon of justice in a dark and chaotic world, standing up for victims everywhere (as long as they’re Joe Francis).

“You know why I’ve been criticized, why I’ve been brutalized? Anybody who criticizes me … it’s just a jealous guy. Everybody who says, ‘Oh, Joe Francis is this’ — look at their penis and tell me if it’s small. Tell me.”

The point here is Joe Francis is wrongfully accused, you guys. He’s not an awful person. He can’t be. Haters gon’ hate.

“I have private jets, I have a great life, I’m a good-looking guy. I’m not conceited, but like — look, I have girls around me all the time, whatever I want. I make a lot of money. It’s a great life. If I wasn’t me, I’d f–king hate me.”

We can’t see any reason why people hate Joe Francis, the big-penised entrepreneur who owns jets and has a great life. Hopefully that great life can continue after his sentencing, which could see him spending five years in the clink.

Or not, if you listen to him: “Look, at the most, I could get 90 days of anger management. That’s the maximum.”

So why has the media reported that he could face years in prison? “Because they’re reporters, and they’re assholes, of course,” he said.

Of course they are, Joe. Of course.

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