Jon James’ Take on ‘Baxter in the Blaine House’ [AUDIO]
Friday, Governor Paul LePage read “Baxter in the Blaine House,” at St. John’s School in Winslow. Baxter is the LePage’s dog and is becoming quite well known thanks to this book about him. Personally, I haven’t yet read the book so I did what I like to do. I wrote my own version of it and present it to you here today. Enjoy!
Baxter in the Blaine House- the Jon James version
To Baxter, Republicans and Democrats are all narcissistic, belligerent brats. He barks and he growls when one comes in the house, he gets quite worked up, Baxter in the Blaine House.
He likes being home when the people are gone, he can sleep most all day, he can poop on the lawn.
But when it gets dark and the state house shuts down and the governor comes muttering and wearing a frown, Baxter knows that the peace will not be anymore, when the governor walks in and he slams the storm door and he screams and he yells , “they won’t do it my way!” It’s a phrase Baxter hears just about every day.
Then the first lady Anne walks in with a dog treat, a sweet tasty morsel that’s flavored like meat.
And she says to her husband, sit down you big lug, then she walks over to him and gives him a hug and she says “they don’t like you, those mean democrats,” she says, “they don’t like you, those mean, dirty rats”
And Baxter just sits there and takes it all in, he just takes it all in with a big doggy grin.
Then after some dinner and running around it is bedtime for all, that includes the first hound. But as he nods off and there’s nary a peep, the governor begins to sound off in his sleep: “You’ll do what I want and you’ll do it my way and I’ll talk and talk and I’ll say what I say, even if seems hostile, it isn’t I swear…even if it seems mean I assure you I care.”
Then Baxter rolls over and buries his head, in the pillow that’s there at the foot of the bed. At the foot of the bed, Baxter buries his head.
Then all of a sudden there comes a loud ring, it is loud and it’s scary, a shrill piercing thing and the governor rolls over and slowly gets up and turns off the alarm and he says to his pup, “Good morning dear Baxter, GOOD MORNING,” he shouts, “it’s time to have breakfast and then we’ll go out!”
And the dog gobbles up all that’s put in his bowl, as the Governor eats up his fifth cinnamon roll and he takes out a leash and he hooks Baxter’s collar, “I’ll be right back Ann,” he says with a holler.
And ole Baxter realizes he has a good life, he love’s Paul LePage and he loves Anne, his wife and he loves everybody, left, center or right and he can’t understand why they all have to fight.
Oh, if Baxter could talk he would give some advice, he would tell everyone to just try being nice..because everyone wants what they think is the best…what’s right for some people is not for the rest…and what he’d say next should not come as surprise….as he looked at the people with love in his eyes…no, what he’d say next wouldn’t be a surprise…that even a dog understands compromise.