YOU: You got your start in soap operas, but soon rose to the level of movie sweetheart with several good script choices. Like every man, I’m enticed by your penchant for faking orgasms during diner meals, but you’ve made your fair share of duds -- including a clunker of a marriage.

ME: While you’ve been quiet, I’m now America’s sweetheart, even though I’m a middle-aged male. I tape Emmy awards to the hoods of cars, recite pop culture poetry and drop F-bombs on network TV. But with you, I bet I could keep running and running and running.

Let’s get together and make 400 romantic comedies together.