My Life Is A Sitcom: Famous Last Words
Have you ever had something happen to you that is just so ridiculous that if you saw it on a TV sitcom, you wouldn't believe it?
Yeah, me too. Unfortunately it seems to happen all the time.
First, a little about me. I am the Digital Managing Editor for the station, so I work behind the scenes on all of the Internet content. I even occasionally write some stories. I have a wife, who we'll call M (A: because it's a cool James Bond reference, and B: because I'm not crazy enough to use her real name) and a daughter, who I'll call Elsa (mostly because that's what she wishes her name was anyway!) We also have a dog, Teddy, who has delusions of grandeur and a gerbil named either Pumpkin or GiGi, depending on what day it is and how Elsa is feeling that day.
So, with that out of the way, let me get to my first entry.
Last weekend, we had a great time out of state with family, getting home around 5PM. I was in the mood to grill, but I had no gas, so I made the fateful decision to run out to get gas for the grill. "I'll be back in 15 minutes," I told M.
My first mistake. NEVER taunt the time gods.
So I packed the gas tanks in the car and drove to Walm....you know what, let's just say "the store," don't want to give them a free plug!
So, I run in to pay for the gas, and unbelievably, I found a register with no line, and in a second miracle, a Walm...err, "store" employee who was very helpful. I paid for my gas tanks and was told "someone will be out in 5 minutes or so."
My second mistake, I believed them.
I pull over to the place where the tanks were stored, and got ready for the exchange.
And then I waited.
Deep down, I knew the time gods were messing with me and my plans to grill. But I kept the faith. I even knocked on the door of the lawn and garden department, in the vain hope that someone from inside would come out and end my long Walm...err, "store" nightmare.
That's not to say I didn't use the time wisely. During our trip home, we made the brilliant decision to let Elsa, who is 7, have popcorn in the back seat. As you can guess, we had more popcorn on our seat than a movie theater floor by the time we got home.
So I took the time to get rid of the popcorn.
Finally, I realized I actually had a cell phone and called the store and said that I had been waiting for 20 minutes to get propane, and could they please send someone out?
I actually heard them announce that over the store's paging system, so I got excited. Someone would surely come out and I would be on my way to tasty grilled meat!
Not so much. I waited another 15 minutes to no avail, all the time being mocked by the happy rhinos with flaming horns on the outside display. They made it seem so easy? Why, God why am I still waiting in a Walm...I mean store parking lot????
So, finally I realize that no one is going to come out and I march back in the store, and ask for my money back. They didn't seem shocked to hear that I just spent a half-hour of my life in their parking lot.
Determined to make this mission a success, I went next door to Lowe's, paid $10 more, but got my tanks of gas.
But by then, all motivation to grill had left me during this odyssey. So, I just stashed the tanks in the garage, and found solace in my old friend Johnnie Walker and ate leftovers....
Tune in next time to hear about the adventure of the escaped gerbil and the angry pooping dog!