Look: I'm a grown woman who watches Pretty Little Liars, a show ostensibly written for teenagers, without shame. Okay fine, a little shame; if my boyfriend makes more than three disparaging comments as he wanders past the TV when it's on, I mask my embarrassment as irritation and order him out of the room. But it's worth noting that for the first four, five seasons I'd tell anyone who'd listen that PLL was a feat of twisty-turny storytelling, combining modern noir (and sometimes literal noir; remember the black-and-white "Shadow Play" ep in Season 4?) with a story that's — at its heart — one about female friendship in all its complexities.

But over the last two seasons, like many before me, I've grown weary of the endless dead-ends, unnecessary characters (such as basically everyone who's ever worked at Rear Window Brew aside from Ezra and Emily), and all manner of still-unanswered questions. When you've accepted customized talking dolls and secret insane asylum twins as plot points and one day you finally find yourself saying, "I just can't buy this new development," it might be time to tap out. I'll stay with this show until the likely-unsatisfying end, though, and right now I've got questions.

1. Who is AD?

Is it Mary Drake? Or the man who assumed the identity of one Elliott Rollins? Mona, still? Maybe it's Charlotte's ghost? That guy Spencer nearly slept with in the Radley elevator? The pastor Hanna's mom used to date? Melissa Hastings? My money is currently on Lucas. He was clearly in love with Hanna throughout high school, and it's too weird that he let her life in his immaculately-decorated loft (which is prone to computer glitch-sparked fires) and use his car. All for the ease of remote surveillance, I say.

2. Where in god's name is Ashley Marin? Or any of the Pretty Little Moms?

Sure, the Liars have been time-jumped into adulthood, and maybe showrunner I. Marlene King's trying to keep payroll lean. But Hanna is a PTSD-suffering, scarred, heartbroken mess right now, and she needs/we need more scenes with her mom.

3. For that matter, where is Jason DiLaurentis?

Unless memory fails me, the last time we saw Jason he was drugged by Charlotte in Season 6, next to his father on the floor. Now Alison and Spencer's brother is allegedly off "running the Carissimi group," and didn't know Alison was in Welby hospital. Now he does, yet he still can't seem to make it to Rosewood. Huh?

4. Is "Elliott Rollins" really dead?

Almost certainly not; people on PLL hardly ever stay dead. I half expect Maya, Ian, Jessica DiLaurentis and Wilden to burst through the ground and dance their way onscreen in formation at any second.

5. What happened to Sara Harvey? Was she ever in on the "Uber A" plan?

It stands to reason that Sara and her 800 gloves will reappear in or before the mid-season finale, given that she likely blames the Liars for her friend Charlotte's death (and her electrocution-related hand injury). Is she on Team AD with Elliott and Jenna, or did she wisely leave Rosewood behind forever?

Update: Jenna and Sara are the new Jenna and Sydney Driscoll!! Remember Sydney? No? You're forgiven if not, because this show has 800-too-many ancillary characters.

6. Is Jenna really still blind?

It's as hard to keep track of as her villain status. THIS SHOW.


Leave your own PLL Season 7 theories in the comments.

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