Have you ever wondered about your choice in alcohol and what it says about you?

Maybe you don't even drink alcohol.. well whoopty freakin' doo, you're just so special! Just kidding- To each their own. Mind you, this is supposed to be funny...chill out and have a drink.

I did a little research on a very popular assortment of booze, and here is some of what I found out about the people who drink it. Thanks to Buzzfeed.com  and author Chris Ritter for helping out in the research. I'm also doing a broad taste test as I write this of every alcohol contained herein, so if I begin to slur a little towards the end you'll know why.

1. Absinthe

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I like to call this stuff....firewater. Do you enjoy drinking gasoline? For some reason that's all I taste when I drink it, not that I do very often. Absinthe is said to be for people who really wish they were a rebel, but are too scared to get in trouble. Absinthe is the perfect way for you to feel like a bad boy, but to still remain a good boy.


2. Martini


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James Bond really enjoyed his shaken not stirred. How do you prefer them? According to my research Martinis are for the frugal drinker who still wants to appear sophisticated. Perhaps the cheating housewife who is bored in her marriage but can't afford to get out.. at least that's what research has found me. This drink will not get you secret agent level clearance, but it will certainly let people know you're attempting to be as classy as possible. You probably have a Coach purse.

3. Margarita

Ethan Miller

Ahh... the perfect release for older adults who wish they were still 19 and partying in their golden years. Margarita says, "hey, I can still drink the hard stuff....mixed with salt other flavorings and ice". A Margarita is the type of drink you consume at your kid's outdoor 10th birthday party. "I'm a cool responsible parent, hand me the tequila." This cocktail also indicates your level of enjoyment of a good cold adult beverage, depending on the shelf level of tequila that you're using. Now go throw on some Jimmy Buffet and bust out the blender.


4. Red Bull & Vodka


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Just like drinking a margarita, you may be an adult who is trying a little too hard to regain their youth. Nothing says "There's no need for all this caffeine and booze" quite like a bull and vod.. If you have that much of a hard time staying awake, just stay in. No need to go home with veins pulsating out of your forehead because of the caffeine. This drink is indicative of someone who uses the word "bro" more than 10 times an hour.


5. Gin & Tonic


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According to Chris Ritter, this drink "is for old men with too much money". He goes on to express how a night of drinking this cocktail will never lead to a bar fight, more of a bar disagreement. You typically are alone at the bar when you're ordering a gin and tonic.. or listening to Billy Joel. You value your time... at least your time before happy hour kicks in. You sit there observing others, but secretly hope no one talks to you.


6. Whiskey

Stephen Lovekin

Am I going to be a little biased here? Yes, yes I am. Whiskey is my go to beverage if I'm out for a cocktail...or in for a cocktail. According to my unofficial findings, people who drink whiskey, particularly straight or on the rocks tend to be good honest people. Straight shooters and tell it like it is. Whiskey drinkers are the shirt off the back let me buy you a drink kinda people. It's also listed that whiskey drinkers give good hugs. Either that or the person who wrote that was just confused and the whiskey drinker needed extra help remaining on his/her feet!


7. Beer bub

Andrew Burton

Now, diving into the realm of beer could take pages and pages.. depending on the types, mircro brews, brands and so on. So let's just stick with the ol' American favorite of Bud Light. Bud Light beer is for people who own at least 5 things with engines and at least 2 run. It's for the come hang out in the garage I put out the camp chairs kinda people. People who drink Bud Light own at least 2 wrench sets, one standard and one metric. Good people drink beer. Americans drink beer. Beer drinks beer. Beer is good. And so are you if you drink it. Unless you become belligerent, but I'm sure you'll apologize in the morning.


Coffee Brandy

 Here's a beverage we can't really discriminate against because at some point every native Mainer has had it. Some people may still drink it regularly. Others, like me, may have brandy'd themselves out at pit parties back in the day. I'm good with not drinking it again. But I would in a pinch... or at a pit party. People who drink coffee brandy aren't afraid to run to the store in their PJ's... or the bank, car dealership, business meeting, funeral etc....

Coffee brandy is for people who have accepted they will probably never win the Powerball and like how the taste of it sets the smell of Marb Lights off... ahh yes... Allen's Coffee Brandy, still the number one best selling liquor in the state. Is it really a surprise? It's so damn tasty. I'm surprised Dunkins hasn't come up with an Allen's Brandy Macchiato  or something.

No matter what it is that you drink, rest assured that this article is all done in fun, and no offense need be taken. So enjoy whatever your beverage of choice is, and just smile on the fact that you have the freedom to do so.

Stay Classy mah peeps.