The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer

J.Crew Leather iPhone Case Because People Don’t Hate You Enough
There is such a thing as phone envy. We know, because we suffer from it every time a coworker whips out an iPhone 5 and it reminds us of our iPhone 0 because we can't afford an iPhone. We hate those people. We'd hate them even more if they had a leather iPhone case.

Watch this College Football Player Casually Complete a 65” Box Jump
For some people, athleticism looks boring. Take Dan Sullivan for example, a 6'2, 235 pound linebacker from Monmouth University in New Jersey. He makes this 65" box jump look like he was skipping over a puddle and onto a curb as to not ruin his brand new kicks...

Sam Gordon, 9-Year-Old Female Football Phenom, Invited to Super Bowl
Remember Sam Gordon, the 9-year-old female version of Tecmo Bo Jackson? So does NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Her Pee Wee football highlight reel and gaudy season stats got the attention of NFL executives. She was invited to the Super Bowl in New Orleans after hanging out with Goodell at a Giants game.

Print My Ride — Papercruisers Paper Models
Jesse loves Toyota Land Cruisers. He also loves making models out of paper and cardboard. Of course those two affections would collide -- introducing Papercruisers.
Jesse brings his love of modeling and cars to the public with these awesome cardboard and paper replicas of his favorite rides...

Guy Builds Limo of Junk Parts Worth $1M
If you collect enough junk, and add up the value, it will eventually be worth something -- especially if you attach all that crap to a limo.

Watch This Intense Giraffe Fight and Never Make Fun of Giraffe Again Because They Would OWN You
In this teaser for Discovery channel's upcoming documentary series Africa — which premieres January 8th — two giraffe go absolutely bonkers on one another.

Stainless Steel Paper Clip is So For Money and It Doesn’t Even Know It
Back before we were pulling in mad cash for writing this blog, several of the writers and editors used common office supplies for other purposes. We used bulldog clips during office S&M sessions, scrap paper as kindling to heat the office and paper clips to hold our dollar bills together.

Man Drives Same Rolls-Royce For 78 Years
You can't take it with you. Isn't that the expression people always use when they want your stuff after you drop dead? Mr. Allen Swift knew he couldn't take his 1928 Rolls-Royce Piccadilly P1 Roadster with him to the afterlife, but he made sure it was well taken care of after they tossed him into the ground.

Watch This Clearly Insane Fella Smash Another Driver’s Windshield With His Fist
This video might be good reason for everyone to get a dashboard cam.

One-Handed Basketball Player is Better Than Half His Two-Handed Opponents
Zach Hodskins, a 6'2 Junior for Milton High School in Georgia, was born with just one arm. That didn't stop him from becoming an insanely good basketball player. His highlight reel shows he can do just about anything on the court.
This makes us feel awful about our athletic ability...

Watch This BMW Execute the Worst Parking Job Ever
We'll admit that parking spots are getting smaller in most parking lots but this driver is parking her BMW like she's trying to fit a submarine into a kid's pool.

‘Greek Elvis’ Left Rare Lamborghini In a Hotel Parking Lot For Thirty Years
It must be nice to be so filthy rich that a gifted Lamborghini Miura S can just rot in a parking garage for thirty years and, eh, no big deal. It must also be cool to be 'Greek Elvis' but let's focus on the car.

Chronic Gamer Girl Will Make You Hungry for Retro Video Games, Possibly Oreos
Are you looking for a video with junk food, video games, terrible Australian accents, internet cheat codes, reading, more accents, hernias, Zelda, chocolate, Webster, veggie chips, Ron Paul, pickles, cursing at a TV screen and casual cannabis usage...

Urban Shredder From Hot Wheels Sure to Be on Most Dangerous Toy List this Holiday
The Urban Shredder from Hot Wheels looks like every kid's moist dream and every parent's biggest nightmare.

Woman Rinses Off at Car Wash After Pooping Her Pants
We've been doing this blogging thing a long, long time. We go back to Blogspot pages and Geocities sites being under construction. That said, we know when it's best to write very little and just let the video do all the explaining.
We'll dummy up the words and let this woman's butt tell the entire story...

Chainmaille Beer Stein Crafted For a King — But You’ll Have to Do
Finally, a beer stein fit for a king. In this case, you and your cheap beer choices will have to play the role of ruler.