We don’t really need further evidence that we are living in a total nightmare (or an alternate timeline, if you’re one of Those People), but then a piece of news comes along that forces us to confront the true horror of reality by offering a painful glimpse at a beautiful life that could’ve been — and never was (at least not in this timeline, if you’re one of Those People). Today, it’s the heartbreaking revelation that Jeff Goldblum — national treasure, king of the silver foxes and master of the universe — could have been the voice of Siri on your iPhone. In the mournful words of the wise Adele, WE COULD’VE HAD IT AAAALLLLLL.
It’s a story fit for a mediocre rom-com: A 37-year-old man from Austin, Texas is suing a woman for texting during a screening of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. And not just some random stranger, either — she was his date. In what he describes as “a first date from hell,” the woman allegedly refused to put her phone away and continued to text until he finally suggested she take the conversation outside. She did just that, taking her phone out of the theater, through the lobby, and out to the parking lot, where she drove off and left her date without a ride home.
92 percent. That’s the number of moviegoers who want to see a female-led superhero movie, according to the results of a new poll released to coincide with advance ticket sales for Wonder Woman. 92 percent isn’t shocking, but what is shocking is that despite OBVIOUS audience interest, it’s been over 10 years since the last superhero movie featuring a woman hit theaters. What gives?
People of Earth, I would like to call your attention to Exhibit B in today’s case for recognizing Jeff Goldblum as a national treasure (or…monument? Can we do that?): While discussing his role as the eccentric Goldblum-esque Grandmaster in Thor: Ragnarok, the actor revealed, in his typical quirky-casual fashion, that he’s developed his very own Jeff Goldblum ranking system — and he’s graciously given director Taika Waititi the highest-possible rating.
It doesn’t take much to imagine what a Christopher Nolan war film might be like — epic, visually stunning, and supremely intense. Dunkirk seemingly checks off all of those boxes and then some in the first full-length trailer for Nolan’s highly-anticipated new film, a historical period drama that looks surprisingly claustrophobic given the open setting. Featuring an excellent ensemble of stars (including Tom Hardy and Mark Rylance), Dunkirk doesn’t feel like your average summer film, which has us all the more excited to see it in July.
If you’re a huge Stephen King fan (like me!), then you undoubtedly noticed two fairly huge easter eggs in the first trailer for The Dark Tower, which finally — after months of anticipation and growing concern — debuted online early this morning. Those less familiar with the SKU (the Stephen King Universe) may have missed the pair of references to two of King’s most iconic stories, both of which have also been adapted before.
According to J.J. Abrams, the closing of the window between theatrical releases and at-home viewing is nigh. The director is one of a handful of Hollywood filmmakers to have endorsed Screening Room, a premium VOD service cooked up by Sean Parker (you may remember him best as Justin Timberlake in The Social Network) which would make new movie releases available to rent at home for 50 bucks. Despite push-back from fellow directors like Christopher Nolan, Abrams remains dedicated to the concept, something he says is “inevitable” as the quality of the theatrical experience continues to decline.
In the second act of The Circle (a film so poorly structured that it feels like it has five acts instead of three), Emma Watson’s painfully earnest protagonist Mae Holland decides to go “transparent” and have her entire life live-streamed around the clock, save for the occasional three-minute bathroom break. Throughout these sequences, CGI text boxes appear on screen to display viewer comments in “real-time,” with half-baked thoughts ranging from “I just ate cheese from last year” to “My girlfriend dumped me.” Those comments, often irrelevant and ineloquent, are the only part of The Circle that feels remotely relevant or clever…or entertaining. The rest, like the titular shape, is hollow.
Although the tale (as old as tiiiime) of Beauty and the Beast is a self-contained one with no existing basis for continuation, that hasn’t stopped Disney from considering the possibilities of a follow-up to their recent live-action reimagining — especially now that it’s earned over $1 billion at the box office, breaking a previous record held by the seemingly untouchable Star Wars. But while Disney has been mulling a potential spinoff or prequel, Emma Watson would rather see a direct sequel, and she’s already come up with a good starting point.
As the previous teasers already implied, Cars 3 is going to be a little…darker than previous Cars movies. In Pixar’s third installment of the hit franchise, Owen Wilson’s legendary race car Lightning McQueen is forced into retirement following a traumatic crash, and with all the shiny, young new cars — like Jackson Storm — dominating the track, Lightning has a tough road ahead if he wants to remain relevant. That’s a pretty heavy-sounding plot, but as the full trailer for Cars 3 proves, it’s not all doom and gloom in Cars World.
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