I just came across a story in the Boston Globe discussing a new effort by the country of Sweden to have Maine lobster classified as an "invasive species," and banning the sale of live lobsters in Europe.

What an outrage!

What have we ever done to Sweden? Why are they attacking our lobsters? Sure they may look a little strange, but that doesn't make it fair to call them invasive, like they are trying to take over the world and claim it for their home planet or something!

It looks as if this is an effort to protect the Swedish lobster industry, and to that I say: "who in the heck knew Sweden HAD a lobster industry???" But, I guess they do, and since Swedish lobsters are more expensive, some people are trying to push the Maine lobster out.

So what can we do? I was trying to figure out what Swedish things we could ban from Maine in retaliation for this vicious attack on our state's most famous undersea citizen.

  • First, I thought of banning ABBA, but that wasn't practical, as every wedding party in the state would be denied "Dancing Queen" and the Maine State Music Theater is producing 'Mamma Mia" this summer, so that's out.
  • Then there was Swedish Fish, they must be an invasive species, right? Nope, it turns out the Swedish Fish sold in the US, are mostly made in Canada, so what good will that do?
  • Swedish meatballs? Nope, not really made in Sweden. But we could rename them "Free The Lobster  Meatballs," but that't not really going far enough.

Then I hit on it, IKEA! Let's ban IKEA! Sure, there aren't any IKEA stores within 100 miles of Maine, but we could have a preemptive ban on IKEA stores in Maine until Maine lobsters are no longer under attack in Sweden!

So sign our petition to ban IKEA stores in Maine, and FREE THE LOBSTER!

And besides, the reason they don't want Maine lobsters in Sweden is because Swedish Chefs are too afraid to cook them. Don't believe me? See the video proof!