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What the Heck Is She Wearing: Jessica Biel at the ‘Hitchcock’ Premiere [PHOTOS]

Christopher Polk, Getty Images

Jessica Biel may be a newlywed, but that doesn’t mean she’s hitting red carpets looking shoddy and wifed-up. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

At the Tuesday night premiere of her new movie ‘Hitchcock,’ she looked polished and put together, but her black dress with the weird boob ruffles was still cause for concern.

Take a look.

Gregg DeGuire, Getty Images

Biel wore a geometric, architectural black dress with stiff ruffles on either side of her breasts, which also showed off plenty of side boobage. (We’re still not sure why that trend is so rampant.)

She hit all the right notes with her hair and yellow clutch, and the column shape to the skirt flattered her figure. But from the waist up, we’re all, “What, wait?” The slit is high, the back is open and the side boob is very visible. It’s like she’s blooming out of the top of the dress.

Jon Kopaloff, Getty Images

She was wise to wear her hair up in a modern suicide roll, because her long locks would have interfered with the ornateness of the ruffle plate.

Oh, look. More side booby.

Gregg DeGuire, Getty Images

Even Helen Mirren was compelled to feel her up. You can see the grand actress smushing that big ol’ ruffle, since it’s sort of distracting.

Gregg DeGuire, Getty Images

We love the color and the styling, and the side boob does give it a softness, since that geometric design lends a stiffness.

Double-entendres are fun.

Gregg DeGuire, Getty Images

WTF Is Lindsay Lohan Wearing?

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