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Amanda Bynes Sets Her Phasers to ‘Sue’

Amanda Bynes
Twitter

Amanda Bynes continued her streak of erratic perfectly normal behavior today, this time penning a rambling stunningly eloquent tweet explaining how she will not hesitate to sue anyone claiming her behavior is abnormal.

(Our attorney is on vacation. We’re playing it safe.)

The tweet, sent via Twitonger — a service that allows you to expand upon Twitter’s 140 character limit — bounced from gossip web sites to her eating disorder to how there is no story to Amanda Bynes inanely yelling at reporters that she isn’t a story.

It reads as follows, and plays better in a Shakespearean accent:

I’m suing every blog, every magazine, every news source that’s saying I’m doing anything wrong “erratic behavior” is not me! I’m suing In Touch, Us Weekly, Perez Hilton for hiring paparazzi who follow me then take the worst photos with the worst angles. I’d like to put up their worst photos on my twitter until they only start putting up my twitter photos when writing a story when there is NO story, just an awful photo posted with instead of a caption, they say I have erratic behavior when I do NOTHING wrong. There’s NOTHING with my life, other than you putting up awful candid photo after photo. I’m working out, it’s hard getting in shape with an eating disorder. Please follow me on twitter then look forward to be sued if you if say I have erratic behavior or am living my life wrong in anyway.

- @Amandabynes

She’s right. There’s really no story here, setting aside the fact that she thinks her Twitter photos are flattering, that she wants Drake to murder her unmentionables, that she claimed an imposter was masquerading as her, and that she was recently spotted toking up while strolling around Manhattan.

Oh, and she went to a hair salon in Queens yesterday, where she wore sunglasses inside for the duration and the stylist said she was “definitely on something.” Other than that? No story.

Hear that, Us Weekly and In Touch? Cease your libelous ways. Amanda Bynes’ lawyer may just be a cardboard cutout of William Shatner, but by God he will make sure you’re never published in this town again!

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