Drunken Jerk Drops Pants, Spanks Off, Sings for Police
Across the bayou, it is not difficult to find a crossbreed of stark-raving mad drunkards and dive bar sideshows aggressively humping the legs off civil society. Unfortunately, when there is nothing civilized left for these gutter fiends to devour besides the skin in between their teeth, the only hope for the rest of us is that soon the flood waters will rise again and bury these beasts at sea.
Until then, degenerates like 33-year old Osmar Hernandez will continue to howl at the heavens, with red rocket fury, and scour the Earth – just ask the New Orleans police department.
Over the weekend, police say they responded to a report of a buck-naked man strolling down Huey P. Long Boulevard, playing with himself. When authorities finally caught up with the alleged sidewalk stroker, he was apparently naked from the waist down, stumbling drunk and firmly gripping his shorts in one hand and his junk in the other. Now, that’s what we call a real jerk!
However, when officers requested that Hernandez put his shorts back on, the man decided he would give police a show they would not soon forget – giving them a masturbating serenade to a tune that no one on the force was familiar with. Now, we’ve heard of keeping the beat with a tune but never beating off to one.
Police say they eventually convinced Hernandez to put his clothes back on and then transported him to a local jail where he was charged with public intoxication and obscenity. Rumor has it that the man bonded out using the tip money he received from his arresting officers.