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Gwyneth Paltrow Tries to Be Relatable While Talking to Harper’s Bazaar

Gwyneth Paltrow
Harper’s Bazaar

Gwyneth Paltrow took time out of her schedule to talk to Harper’s Bazaar for its May issue, and she revealed some surprising facts about life inside the Paltrow kingdom.

For starters, even though the 40-year-old actress uses organic beauty products — in addition to fairy godmother magic — to retain her youthfulness, she’s not opposed to more synthesized options.

“I’ve probably tried everything,” she said, specifically mentioning laser treatments. “Except I won’t do Botox again, because I looked crazy. I looked like Joan Rivers!”

Sure. Joan Rivers is pretty crazy-looking, but so is screaming “MOMMY IS IRON WOMAN, EAT YOUR SPROUTS” at your children inside of a crowded Mr. Chow restaurant.

Gwynnie says that using organic beauty products is one of the things that “makes life interesting … finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu.”

And speaking of smoking cigarettes (horrors!), Gwyneth does that, too. But only once a week. Just to experience what it’s like to toil under serfdom.

She says she smokes “one light American Spirit once a week, on Saturday night.” Because cigarettes are all good now.

Finally, she addressed her hobby of thinking about what her next move should be: “I’m at quite a pivotal point: Do I want to go back more into films? Do I want another child? Do I want to move back to the States?”

“You can call me a lot of things, but you can’t call me complacent!” she says.

So here’s your image for the day:

Gwyneth Paltrow sits inside a garden on a hand-crafted throne of organic wood. She’s wearing a Tony Stark suit (that accentuates her amazing ass) and having a smoke. She thinks to herself, Is the world ready for more Gwnyeth Paltrow movies? and flicks the ashes of her cigarette into a million-dollar Ming dynasty vase.

Not yet, she tells herself. But soon.

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