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Jason London Can’t Remember Anything But Swears Witnesses Will Prove Everyone Wrong

Jason London
Scott Gries, Getty Images

Remember how Jason London got beat up, arrested and then defecated himself in the back of a cop car?

And couldn’t remember what happened?

Well, turns out he remembers enough to insist that everyone coherent during the incident is totally wrong about it.

London’s rep says that the ‘Dazed & Confused’ actor has several eyewitnesses who will go to bat for him and clear his name. (His wife, Sofia, who told cops he’s “an asshole” when he’s drunk probably isn’t one of them.)

“The details of the events leading up to the incident are still being worked out with the help of many eyewitness testimonies, with the testimony of individuals who were there with Jason for the duration of the evening and with the recollection Jason does have,” the mouthpiece told Radar Online in a lengthy statement.

“We will get to the bottom of the specifics undoubtedly.”

One of the bits of evidence the rep cites could hold some water (and is likely one Chris Brown wishes he had on his side in his own brawl with Frank Ocean). “The charges against Jason indicate that he is the assailant in a ‘Multiple Victim Assault,’ as described by the bouncers to the arresting officer. It is a fact of note that Jason does not have one bump, bruise, red mark — not so much as a scratch — on his hands.”

“His face however sustained injuries which are indicative not of his 145-pound frame assaulting four 250+ pound bouncers but rather indicate a repeated, intentional, aggravated assault where excessive force was used,” the rep continued. “Additionally, assuming that these four bouncers are trained fighters, which most are, that quickly becomes assault with a deadly weapon. Jason’s injuries clearly demonstrate skilled and intentionally inflicted injury and harm.”

If you’ll recall, the bouncers involved said that London was drunk and sneezed on one of them. When the snot-recipient asked for an apology, London allegedly punched the guy instead.

Not so, says the rep: “Since that time witnesses have come forward to give an entirely different account of what they saw that does not match in any way the report given by the bouncers.”

What’s more, London’s team says any boozing and rude commentary that went down simply wasn’t bad enough for him to have the crap literally beaten out of him. Long story short: While London was probably being a jackass, the bouncers supposedly went overboard.

The rep insists that witnesses say London wasn’t “inappropriate or aggressive in any way” and that “Jason does remember in the midst of having a good time that someone said something about Jason looking at his friend’s girl wrong.”

“Then he remembers being grabbed and dragged. The next thing he remembers he was coming to and the cops were arresting him.”

No word on whether or not he remembers pooping his pants. But we’ll bet whoever does his laundry will be able to corroborate that one way or the other.

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