Are you one of the lottery players like I am? You know the type. Won't even consider buying a lotto ticket until the jackpot is some exorbitant amount that you couldn't imagine living your life without. If the jackpot is under $100 mil, don't even bother me with that chump change. But, $1.55 billion? Yeah, I'll buy some tickets! Makes no sense- but it's who I am and you can't change me.

Anyway, with an absolutely insane record-setting jackpot amount, tonight's Mega Millions drawing will be the highest jackpot this lottery has ever seen in its history and we're totally here for it.

Now, as you can imagine, people all over the country are flocking to their local convenience stores to get their tickets, whether it be random draw or custom numbers, all for their chance to win the big money.

But, if you live in the Northeast, particularly Maine, New Hampshire or Massachusetts, what exactly are your chances of winning this staggering amount of money? Well, to be frank, they're garbage. But, just to amuse ourselves, let's break it down numerically, shall we? We shall.

According to statistics we pulled from the Maine Lottery, your chances (if you were to buy a SINGLE ticket) of winning a $2 prize is 1 in 37. Okay, that's not too bad, right? Let's keep going.

Your chances of winning a non-jackpot $200 prize matching 4 numbers is 1 in 14,547. Still not great, but not anywhere as horrible as the jackpot odds.

Your chances of winning a $10,000 non-jackpot prize on a single ticket? 1 in 931,001. How about winning a cool million on a non-jackpot prize? Those chances plummet to 1 in 12,607,306. Yeah, crappy.

Now let's take a look at the Big Kahuna, The Grand Pubah, the MEGA MILLIONS JACKPOT of (estimated) $1.55 BILLION for tonight's drawing. If you were to buy one single ticket, your chances of taking home the cash (in a dump truck) would be 1 in 302,575,350. Staggering.

However, we think we found a loophole. All you need to do to virtually ensure a win it to go to the Circle K and buy 302,575,351 tickets. We've finally beaten the system.

Oh, and good luck on tonight's drawing and please don't forget me when you win.

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