How Auburn Walmart Turned My Lotion’s Run Into “Mission Impossible”

'Twas two days before Christmas, and all through the Walmart, not a creature was stirring, except me, just trying to grab my Jergen's Skin Firming Lotion.

Little did I know, I was about to jump through 7 hurdles and find a hidden key at the end of the earth to get my lotion.

Yes, I felt like Frodo.

It all began pretty normal enough. You know how Walmart is, packed to the bring, especially 2 days before Christmas, so it was even more stuffy then normal.

I just had to pop in and out quickly because I ran out of lotion. It's a necessity.

I found my trusty Jergen's where it always is but this time, it was so close, yet so far. It was suddenly sitting behind a Plexiglas fortress like it was the diamond from the Titanic. Normally the perfumes and colognes are behind these walls.

I pressed the call button for an associate, which is Walmart language for "summon an invisible force you hope materializes within the hour."

Minutes turned to what felt like more minutes and no one came.

So, like any resourceful shopper, I set out to find someone. When someone finally arrived, they didn't just unlock the lotion, oh no. They took it. And walked away. This was beginning o get wild, like Matrix wild.

At first, I assumed maybe he was distracted, but no, my $9 Jergen's was ceremoniously encased in a massive clear lockbox that looked like it was designed for transporting nuclear codes, not lotion.

Here’s the kicker though guys, across the aisle, the $20 plus face creams sat as free as a bird. If you're going to swipe something, might as well aim high, right? Walmart must think otherwise, because when I returned after Christmas, even the $20 creams had joined the lockdown.

At this rate, by next Christmas, we’ll need to swipe a fingerprint and pass a retinal scan just to buy toothpaste. I wouldn't be surprised if they had TSA pat downs by the shampoo.

So here’s to you, Jergen's Skin Firming Lotion.

You may be affordable, but in the eyes of Walmart apparently, you're priceless.