Dear Maine self checkout kiosks, why you gotta constantly do me dirty?

To start, I totally understand why more and more stores are using self checkouts. First off, it is saving large corporations a pile of money to staff the regular registers. Especially when you consider the spike in minimum wage and the increased costs of goods and fuel across the country.

The invention of the self-checkout isn't all that modern. As a matter of fact, Cooper Fox told me that the first one was invented in 1986. He's a frickin' wealth of knowledge, don't ya know? Anyway, I digress.

Robinson Greig, unsplash
Robinson Greig, unsplash

I have nothing against the concept of the self checkout. As a matter of fact, I kind of like the idea. Especially for people like me who have to deal with the public so much for work, I enjoy being able to cash out without additional human interaction. I'm a frickin' hermit! That's the second time I've said frickin' in this letter.

No, the problem I have is that the damned things are always doing me dirty. Almost every time I use one of the things (which is fairly often, admittedly) I'm made to look like a fool. Like for crying out loud, there IS NO UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!!

What Matt thinks he looks like in the grocery store: Aiman Zenn, Unsplash
What Matt thinks he looks like in the grocery store: Aiman Zenn, Unsplash

Further more, if I had a dollar for every time that frickin' red light starts blinking signaling to everyone that I'm apparently too stupid to use a self checkout, I could just pay someone to do all of my shopping for me.

After that light starts flashing, I'm forced to stand around and pretend like I'm looking for an associate, all the while hoping they notice me first so I don't have to awkwardly shout "Ope, 'scuse me, I seem to be having some trouble".

Lat but not least, I always feel like I'm stealing. Though I can assure you that I'm not, there's something that feels criminal about not interacting with an employee and still leaving the store with 10 pounds of Dino nuggies.

Anyway, keep them or don't, I'll still keep using them. But maybe we could get this unexpected item in the bagging area fiasco figured out. I mean, we put a freakin' man on the moon in 1969, can't we tell a robot cashier that I didn't set an unaccounted for can of sour cream & onion Pringles in the bagging area?


Love always,

Matt James.

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