I've never claimed to be any kind of culinary expert so let's get that out of the way now. Also, you probably already know that I don't eat anything. I mean, I do, but my options are pretty limited. Like seriously, if it's not chicken, a peanut butter sandwich or breakfast food, I'm probably not going to eat it. I've never even eaten pizza before.

Despite all that, I am the one who does the majority of the cooking in our house. I may not eat much food, but I certainly enjoy preparing it. One of the things that I make about once a month (because it's Evan's absolute favorite) is Hamburger Helper. You know what I'm talking about, right? Brown up a pound of burg then stir in the contents of the box along with some milk and water.

Well, last night I made some Hamburger Helper, but I managed to frig it up in the process. How? How does someone screw something as simple as Hamburger Helper up? Well, gather round and Uncle Matty will tell you.

When I make the Helper, I'm very used to cooking up the burg, then just dumping all the ingredients in along with whatever it calls for for liquid, times two. Times two because we always make two boxes because we have 473 kids. Anyway, last night I made 'Taco' hamburger helper which comes with the rice, the seasoning powder and a bag of corn chips. Well guess what? The corn chips are supposed to be for when it's all done and you sprinkle them on top to add a little crunch. Is that what I did? No. I friggin' dumped the corn chips in with everything else and heated them to boiling. Yes, you're reading that correctly, I BOILED corn chips.

Honestly, it ended up working out, and the hot & soggy corn chips were hardly noticeable- or so I'm told, I don't eat that stuff. I also busted out the Nacho Cheese Doritos so they could crunch up some of those chips too add to the meal... it was a hit.

Long story short, I'm stupid. The end.

James Christmas Tree 2020

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