You're probably wondering why I'm posting pictures of my dirty jugs right now, aren't you? Hey, get your mind out of the gutter, I'm talking about my milk jugs. I guess that doesn't actually sound much better, does it?

Anyway, I had just finished making dinner last night and called the family to come gather in the kitchen to get their plates ready. It was spaghetti if that helps you visualize this story a little better. After everyone sat down and began eating I realized that Evan didn't have a drink. I, being such a nice guy, figured I'd pour the kid a glass of milk for his dinner. However, when I opened up the fridge doors I quickly realized that there was no milk inside. Where in the heck could it be? I know we had milk in here!

My wife quickly informed me that she had thrown away the milk jug after using the last of it in her cereal earlier that day. While that's all well and good I know for a fact that I had bought another gallon a couple days earlier. As a matter of fact, I'm so weird that I remember the expiration date on the jug I bought being September, 26th. Where could this thing have gone?

I checked the food pantry, the lazy Susan, the garage where we keep our shoes, the chip cupboard... everywhere! There was no milk to be found in the house. What the heck? Then it hit me. Two days prior we had stopped at 32 General Store after the kids' haircuts to grab a pizza. Well, while I was getting the pizza I also grabbed a gallon of milk, too. But where in the sweet hell is it now?

Turns out the milk was right where I left it. On the floorboard of my truck halfway under the front seat. It had, at this point, been in there for just over 48 hours. Needless to say there was no saving this dirty old jug of precious milk, so down the drain I dumped it. Now we have 0 milk in the house because I still haven't gone to get more.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. If you made it this far down in the story you get a gold star. Also, how do you have so much free time that you were able to read this ridiculous story about me losing my milk?

I love you.

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