Run For Your Life: Samsung Integrates Ultron Into New Marvel Tie-In Products
Now that the threat of Skynet destroying us all has been averted by an increasingly crappy series of Terminator movies (or maybe they're just disappointing us to death), a new technological threat to all life on Earth has emerged. In order to promote the forthcoming pic Avengers: Age Of Ultron, tech giant Samsung has joined forces with Marvel to put Ultron in all your smart devices. Yes, the word "smart" to describe technology has never been more insidious than it is now. Smart; scheming; devious.
At the 2015 Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week, Samsung unveiled the Samsung/Stark technology that the Avengers will use in the movie, including a phone with a holographic interface, a smart watch with a Bluetooth earpiece, and a giant killer robot with the voice of James Spader. No, sorry; just the phone and the watch. But as Stark also creates Ultron in the new movie, it seems a safe bet that these devices have Ultron Inside.
Fortunately, as reported by Business Insider, this technology is not real, and therefore will not one day kill us all. But Samsung did showcase its latest Note phone and tablet alongside the Avengers tech, with the clear implication that RoboSpader is secretly embedded in this real world technology as well, and will soon emerge to conquer the planet and reduce us to ash.
The message here is that we must destroy everything with a screen and run for the hills to start a back-to-nature commune and make comics out of bark and berry juice.
Avengers: Age Of Ultron will debut May 1st, as a low tech puppet show out by the old barn using aluminum cans and squirrel fur. The rest of humanity will at this point be dead because they trusted a machine to set their thermostat. Good luck everyone.