Unless you have an above-average house that is, in which case don't get all hoytie toytie on me and adjust your slacks while lecturing me on the importance of financial planning. Wait- is that even how you spell 'hoytie toytie'? Hold on I gotta go look that up... brb.

Okay, turns out those aren't even real words. Can we get back into the whole point here? A rare rookie card of Patriots QB (and secret love of my life) Tom Brady sold at auction for a record-setting $400,401.00. There were 118 bids for the 2000 Playoff Contenders Championship Ticket Card. There were only 100 copies of this ever produced. This card was rated a 9 and considered 'gem mint' condition. One of only two to achieve that level of pristine-ness. There I go again using words that aren't real.

If I'm paying $400,401.00 for anything related to Tom Brady it better be for a quick slap of my butt while we enjoy a mojito poolside in Barbados.