Hello and welcome to our latest edition of "Dumb stuff Matt does on a regular basis that seems made up but it's really not". Okay, so we're really gonna need to work on shortening that title a little bit- it's a mouthful.

Last night I was giving 2/3 of my kids a bath. Yes, I have so many children that I have broken them down into fractions. See Mrs. Alberts, I DID use math outside of school! Anyway, my wife was out shopping with her friends and Evan, the oldest, was at his grandparent's house working on LEGOS.

I had Gavin and Dawson at home and decided it would be way easier to just bathe them together instead of separately. Everything was going swimmingly (no pun intended) and the kiddos were thoroughly enjoying themselves splashing around in the warm bubbles. Because Dawson and Gavin had never been in the tub together before I thought it would be a good idea to nab a photo to send to their mother. As I'm holding my phone and taking the picture, Dawson slips off his butt and begins falling backwards. Because he's only 6 months old I chucked my phone and immediately grabbed the baby. Luckily I got to him right before his head hit the water.

Now that I had successfully averted one crisis, it was time to solve another one. Where the heck did my phone go? "It's right here!" my toddler exclaimed. And so it was. At the bottom of the tub face down in the water. I quickly grabbed the phone out of the water and gave it a onceover. Everything seemed fine! It lit right up and functioned as if I hadn't just recklessly tossed it into the bathtub. Cool!

Later that night after the kids were in bed, I sat down to do some very important work on my phone. You see, because Keri had been gone all evening I hadn't had a chance to watch ANY TikTok videos. Clearly it needed to be done. As I sat my fat ass down in my recliner I decided it was WAY too much work to enter my 4-digit PIN to unlock my iPhone, so I would just use my Face ID. Well guess what, guys? I couldn't use my Face ID. Siri didn't, and still doesn't, recognize me anymore.

Apparently, Siri was submerged in the water just long enough to mess with parts of her memory. I tried and tried to reprogram my Face ID, but she just won't have it. I feel like this is going to turn into 50 first dates where every morning when I wake up I'm going to have to show Siri a video of our life together so for one day at a time she will remember me. All these incredible times we've had together and now I'm just a stranger to her... a nobody. I'm not sure how we'll make it through this time.. I may need to see other Siris.

Bye.

 

Things to never say during the deed